Stop reading for three days
Sniff the air out side
I dreamt of Lennon screaming ‘Crossing the sea of Nineva’.
The subject of the documentary looks over to the camera man and says “ Carry on as if we wasn’t here.” and her image appeared on the side of a toaster.
‘Inca Hoots’ - the crazy madcap adventures of south Americas favourite conquistador.
‘The Gaucho That Saved Christmas’.
‘Tacos In The dust’ - the tale of rival Mexican flour merchants.
‘Garibaldi- the musical’, are you full crazy? Forget the Alamo
Fajitas at dusk.
He sat on the edge of the bed watching the windows as thin strips of poetry peeled from the walls.
Contestant 1: Well Fern we’ve never tried enemas before.
Arse tablets. Instant pants. Dopa Mingis. Red Hand Gangue. Wheezy lips. Wrestling with a desire to taste paste. Yakking from the scag laced pills, she says the yakking brings on good rushes. Christian Bootcamp a go go. Beaucoup.
A day and a night on a feather. “Who is this . . . they?” said the darkly empirical voice from behind the mahogany sash. The evening dust set a crib of warm glow on the cream and flower walls.
“ Who is this . . . . they?” repeated the voice with growing irritation. Loodercroot moved on to his other side, the creaking iron bed flexing in waves beneath him. His white suit jacket constricted his shoulder into a sling and he twisted to pull himself free. He rolled heaving onto his back and unbuttoned his shirt letting the sweat evaporate off him in the drowning heat of the evening flood. He watched the propeller fan push its way sluggishly through the air and he squinted his eyes till nothing but the black white black white sequence remained flashing before him. The horns and cry’s and sounds from the street below hushed away and sleep rose to meet him, urging him to let go.
His breathing shallowed to a thin wisp and he was off again , back into his dream, a little tired but not bored, relaxed after his sojourn into the realms of the dead.
Locked inside his Chinese Wishing Helmet a carnival atmosphere erupts. Menacingly, in the background figures can be seen wearing huge puppet heads. They can just be seen coming into shot before the final cut. John Lennon may have said “imagine there’s no heaven” but what he really meant was “Toot Smack till yer eyes bulge.”
Remember when we trashed that phone box and Dazen grabbed that bendy receiver wire and pulled it and it sliced his hands (slice and dice the rice on the white mice), sliced his hands open.
revolting sight and you nearly twatted him for spilling blood on your new shoes. We know what scares you! This could be you! Wotch your step! Tuna crucible burning with the fires of ‘ow my legs’. We are getting in the wardrobe announced Galen. Lets push the earth destruct button and see what happens. (Ihaveagrenade.) Every morning I wake up and ask myself ‘do I want a
drink?’ it’s terrible I end up getting pissed and taking advantage of myself. What they found after an hour’s walking was Carl an old city built before the Cabbages had destroyed the Cauliflowers and had given way to the supremacy of Sprouts. Oooff, Lungs, Pfarp, Hiss, Whistle, Burst. I don't think I can run any faster gasped Galen under the piano, sucking in great gulps of cyanide. Nearby his bean bags were tied to the trees quietly munching on leaves. Urko and his trousers split and rode off in different directions. Galen approached loofa at the ready but Urko backed off, getting further away with every passing year.
Would Salman shaky plate?’
Lovely Chat. Front page headlines this time: Jesus was my hardest role says 4000 year old Rasta. Gossip = Prize. He drinks and says such awful things. TV real life sex pest got me in the sack. Features: Land Fill Gas. 2 of 3
Documentary about a young girl and an abandoned seal pup, an assassins assistants who organazizes murders from a sleazy strip joint. Hot Dry Rocks 9 of 5 portrait of lesbian and gay London in the fifties and sixties. Diago links Clara with Crime. Fin warns Karen not to be seen. Dezzy O and a formula one power boat hog fest. Viva Elvis Disney Fun. Viva Bosnia Elvis Fun. Bangladeshi fishermen clash with their Jewish female impersonators with horrific images of Andy Peters dealing in Czech free credit and electric chopstix with Buzzard Automata. Dear Crazy: a monstrously sad story. Should I still be bathing her teenage son? I’m scared. Come to your senses. I’m displeased. My legs.
The man that lived above Martin killed himself and now everything he owned was out with the rubbish, awaiting removal, thrown in the bin.
Oi you cuntnibblers! Burn burn you all blue bastards! You stink! Get him burn him. Gunter bastards, father of a thousand shit stink. Yeah! C’mon baby yeah, ace, doccer cigi boy yes no yes why no 2 3 ½ c’mon lets go bye bye so when we’ve finished.
Break my bones
Smash my body on the stones
The oceans on the inside, too broad for us to cross.
Man-o- Man Bread. A nice cup of Tea! Shit biscuits though the donkey
is fresh. The frog is bad, un chien e tranquo, El ToppoGrande beasted oats scrote, schnorra kin kin kinnay, fu kin errrr.
The twin earth, the black Taj. The black moon, invisible but always there, twinning the other and balancing it out. You can’t see it as it absorbs the light but it’s there all the same massive over head silently looming.
Fung Yugi. Ooze Ooze Blib. The crystal tear encrusted in the rock perfect after an age, ten thousand years lost. The Sultan tricked us into revealing its whereabouts; we had to join the rest of his people in leaping the castle walls, aching to clear the rocks as the city state burned behind us. We clasped onto the discarded bundles, pink and green canvas that floated us to the shore where Konnery and Kaine waited eager for news.
Many purple flags. Sparkly jugs, schnort the vim of pride, China cheese by the beef burgoh. But would Salman shaky plate?
When in doubt fuck about.
Everything I do is wrong.
Dobre jitro Dunyetchka. Kde je zachod? co stoj? Je toto misto volne? Piti mnoho slivovice. Hned mluvite ryba.
That incurable Prussian dust. Lining
the throats of a million.
She stares at the patterns on the taffeta
and spots a map of Africa ãããããã¢ããããããããããããããããããããããããããããã_í_ßããããããããããããããããããããããããããããããããããããããããããããããããããããã__ãã
Life is for living life is for living hot pies hot pies in my eyes crackerjack its five to
five its friday its crackerjack who hates the krankies? me and me
JããããKã2ããããyou know me I`d die for you floppy fish, can`t
stop stealing clothes even if there not the right colours, that’s you but it’s not been dipped *5!,6)%/(**&+DG5&"+'&&/)+,!!" ããããI wanna be aluminum i wanna be a frying pan i wanna be aluminum i wanna be a roasting dish i wanna be a casserole i wanna be a sausage and chips i wanna be a bangers and
mash i wanna
be a big fat meal you can come and feel i
paints leak we have no technique, what can we do
are you now dead Tina Heep?
Doyle and Boil and Pogo and Wayne (and Ziggy) Benny
BECAUSE ITS FOOTBALL IT`S A BUZZRIGHT!
Mrs Mclusky we all love her Mrs Mac lusky GRRRRRR
BULLET AND HIS FUNNY ‘AT.
Father Hœdown Live At The Pleasure Dome, (a can o monkey bile) s handy ba relle. Cheesey Nimrods, Chemotherapy, Meat, Smack Grannies.
Praying for death Alcohol essentiallypoison.
bloodstreambraineuphoria liverdetoxifies killing us instantly creating enzymes to counter.
80º proof% in blood
consequencealcohol consumed 1..05ãã or lessa
relaxing feeling2..08 1.carefree and uninhibited
3..1 2.speech slurred5.
.2 4.staggering, very pissed.8. or more.4 plus
unconsciousness risk of deathThe things that actually cause the pain of a
hangovers are chemicalsCongeners.red
wine whiskey the presence of toxins eat oilyfattyfoods
vitamin C vitamins and minerals Alcohol, calcium, potassium and vitamins a,b,c, as well as water
cells.needs dream sleep disrupting the normal sleep patterns. brãain cells. Reaches the b rain it chang es its cells to accommodate it, takes time
t back to its no rm
al state best wa y to e a se t hi s is
a h airy dog’ – b uffer G h
urkãas jack boot have a n I c e c
o o k e d
b r e k k I e y o u s h o u l d b e f e eli
right as dodgers
ããããããããããããããããããããããããããããããããããããããããm..RoLand Browning .... Our Lord And Master..... RoLand Speaks And We Obey......
...Try To Avoid Using Your Fridge As A Toilet..... RoLand Speaks And We Pray For Mercy........Don’t Eat With Your Mouth Full........... RoLand Speaks and Darkness Falls..You Can Tig Your Own Butcher..... RoLand Speaks And the Lion sleeps tonight.....Smoke Your Way To A Better Life....As Sure As Eggs Is Eggs.... RoLand Speaks And What He Says Will Make Your Teeth Move About... No Drugs For Me Sir!...FASTER MRS. CRAMLEY FASTER! ITS...ROLAND BROWNING OUR LORD AND MASTER....ROLAND SPEAKS AND§§§ OF COURSE YOU CAN MALCOLM..... FUNNY QUEER OR FUNNY HAHA?...QUEER HA HA?......GIZ ONE OF YOUR LIVES! ITS...ROLAND BROWNINGOUR LORD AND MASTER ROWLAND SPEAKS AND IT DOESN’T MATTER IF YOUR BLACK AND WHITE...... BUT I DONT WANT TO GO BACK IN TO THE BOX......LEARN TO SWIM YOUNG MAN ITS..ROLAND BROWNING OUR
LORDAND MASTER ROWLAND SPEAKS AND IT’S JUST NOT MY SCENE MAN.........KIDS AND WATER THEY LOVE IT!.....HELLS TEETH ITS....ROLAND BROWNING OÃÃÃÃÃÃUR LORD AND MASTER ROLAND SPEAKS AND I COOKED YOUR FAVOURITE. WHAT ?RICE POODEN?........... YES! WE HAVE NO BANANASROÃÃÃÃLAND BROWNING OUR LORD AND MAΩSTER ROLAND SPEAKS AND HIS LOVE IS KING......EAT MORE YAMS......ZOINKS! ITS...ROLANDBROWNINGOUR LOÃRD AND MASTER ROLAND SPEAKS AND GROWN Men Cry...... How Much Are Your 5p Lollies?......Christ On A Bike
Iã¤Ò/¥â=!§µ¨e©8ãã2ã0ãã(ãýðÿ1 2ãfããDo you enjoy
ITS....ROLAND BROWNINGOUR ÃÃÃÃLORD AND MASTERROLAND SPEAKS AND I LOVE A
PARTY WITH A HAPPY ATMOSPHERE..... HE WHO LAUGHS LAUGHS, LAUGHS LAUGHS.....YOU STENCH OF
DEATH!......ROLAND SPEAKS AND BLIND MEN WALK... DOES MY BODY SCARE YOU?.....OH THOSE
CRAZY RUSSIANS IT’S....ROLAND BROWNING OUR LORD AND MASTERROLAND SPEAKS AND ELVIS SINGS TONIGHT.......MORE GIN VICAR?.....DON BRENNANS LEG...... IT’S...ROLAND BROWNING
OUR LORD AND MASTER.......ROLAND SPEAKS AND SATAN IS LORD
Ã HELLS ....ROOUR RO. WHAT ?? 9. MAKE . YES! WE ROOUR RÃO10.ZOINKS
...ROOUR RO11. HOW 5P ?CHRIST ....ROOUR ROAND 12. HE , YOU ! ITS..ROOUR RO13. DOES?
THOSE CRAZY IT’S....ROOUR ROSINGS TONIGHT14.VICAR?DON LEG! IT’S...ROOUR ROTHESATAN IS LORD.15
HHHHHHMMM NOURISHING CHAI!
how much are your 2p lollies?
Remember - the monkeys face was sliced, mixed with fresh salmon and held aloft, bobbing above the crowd, dead olive eyes staring blankly out in terror - its automata mouth flaps open with every bump. In the library my gums split from an apple bite. Iron blood fills my mouth and the Chinese opposite hummed a healing prayer - she leans over and speaks - “spill some blood on this ivory brooch - if Jesus’ face appears you will be cured”. I let a thick stream of blood pour onto the brooch - the face of Jesus appears briefly and then transforms into a skull - the blood settling into pools (that were its eyes). The Chinese shakes her head. Tears in her mucus grey and brown. Yogics chuckle as their chakras dance like a candle flame and above her head, objects materialise in the air.
Copyright 1993 John Crewdson