.....................................................Yeah right asif. Bollox no fucking way! D’reckon? Gotnotgotgotnotgotgotnotgot Need! Need! Freeze Gib! Gis some boos, is that boos, gisome! You going to a party? Kweecome? Comeon! Gissomeboos,you got boos?
Underneath the underground. Down below all things. Underneath the afternoons sat waiting in the wings.
Hideous wretched puppet chin cock sucking leach. Arse weary old Minotaur pissing pints of bleach.
Jensen sat smoking under shady tree, shadowed by the unforeseen. His silver cigarillos giving other worldly magnificence. His nose scrunched up to sunlight. This is it! He cried from the front seat, the whole world stretching before us. Clouds glowed and cooled in the setting sky.
Ships hovered on the horizon as we past dark forests. And in the distance, a lonely speck. Ten thousand miles in isolation. This is the strangest sight I ever saw.
He left the foreground with a sickening crack, staring from the window in
ageless sunbeams. To come, to go, feeling angered town, on loss from salted
frown, rising from his seat; washed out and reborn. Writing post cards from Cuba. Setting up a bar in a Wroclaw suburb. He was putting up placards for himself and called the place St.Pauls. Happy hours at dawn and sea food on the menu. He awoke on the graying shore. Liquid iron sea lashed the concrete bay, heavy in the scent of salt. Evening parasites awoke from their cocooned trip.
Ambrosia starlight flickered through the fly home swamp. Unclean, unearthly; ghastly save from foam. Sea line rotten caked with plastic strewn. Cold rubber pipe line choked in menstrual clot. Came mobile ship through see-through gown, callous, glowing, suffocating pile. From the shudder to the quake: a drunken tragedy.
Martin Cromwell Author of unperformable plays.......
And now, having fun with:
Bud & Fud Whippets
"Bud & Fud Whippets Eat Snatch In All Night Disco Motel"
an all night Disco Motel. Orange is the theme brown is the sceneBud: Yee har and a ding dang do! I just loves the way these girlies squeelz.
Fud: Yip sho’nuf cap’n, missy gonna bark like a dawg.
Bud: Sheet boy Ise sure workin up a parchment. Howz about we gits some suds and quell this almighty thirst
Fud goes to the fridge and removes two bottles of beerBud: (drinking the beer) Praise the Lord! I said hallelujah. That's
damn fine suds! Praise be to the Lord Baby Jesus on High in Heaven and Salutations to all His Angels Holy Mother Mary of Christ. Praise be! Puraise be! Sing Hosannas!
Pappadimbus appears at the door recently returned from Germany
Pappadimbus: Harken. I bring darkness on the land and pestilence to all.
(Pappadimbus sits on the velvet bean bag) How now gracious Bud? Gracious Fud? Bring me a
dish of scholarly egg and a glass of stately orange.
Pappadimbus: Come, let us converse. Tell me of your adventures these past mornings since last I returned from Allemagne. Have thy been well?
Fud: Sho’nuff my liege Pappadimbus. We’s been on a toot with suds and pie.
Fud: Aye but something is amiss. My faithful cat Addid is missing.
Fud: Aye sir. Forty nights he hath not returned; not a meeow heard or a whisker seen. Look! His bowl of Friskies remains untouched.
Across the room a creature stirs. Our eyes alight on a sideboard. Amongst the
clutter of ash trays and glass a fish bowl sits, it’s lonely occupant floats in circles. This is SubWheels, Bud and Fud's Golden Fish.SubWheels: Haha! How they pity that wretched mog. Little do they know the fate of Adidd banished from my presence lured away with the promise of mice! Out demons out! What stinking vile issues from their bulbous faces!
Pappadimbus rushes to the windowPappadimbus: Oh my Christ! Oh my God oh my Christ oh my no! They’re here! Quick! Bud Whippets! Fud Whippets! The guns! Get the guns! Have we any guns?
Fud: We sures do. We’s got nines, sideloaders snub nosed six shooters, pump action hollow bored sawn off stripped down automatic rapid fire Gunz Gunz Gunz.
Fud opens the green foot locker and pulls from it various fire arm
Pappadimbus: They’re getting nearer! Quick! To your positions. Ten yards fire at will, on my command. Damn your eyes! Hells teeth! Fire! Fire! Fire!
All three shoot out of the
windows, after five minutes of continuous shooting the advancing lawn furniture is blown to bits. They then stop, lay down their guns and calmly return to their seats.
Fud: So, sweet Pappadimbus tell us of your travels.
Pappadimbus: And in what style do you wish me to recount my adventures?
Bud: Why in the style of Rudi Voller of course.
Pappadimbus: Ascending by rope into the kitchen I became unwittingly involved in a low rent police comedy and thus became the target for a series of gangland killings. An adaption of Oscar Wilde about a native American hi tech bank raid I became emotionally scarred after witnessing a Ku Klux Klan murder with Mary Tyler Moore. Following a
triple hip replacement operation I followed a surprise encounter with Sir Harry Secombe as he performed his famous hats routine.
Bud: (aside) He told us this story, what, five years ago?
Fud: No, that was in Dark Star.
Bud: My real name is Bill Froog
Fud: Yes, so was that.
Pappadimbus: Hey you two shut the fuckup whilst I’m making things up. Where was I? oh yes I remember as an out of work actor I forced my way to face my ancient adversary the evil magician Kane. We became involved in a bloody Parisian bank raid (in English with black and white sub titles) in order to fund my dreams for the presidency of a health club. Say are you two getting bored?
Bud sleeps and Fud masturbates
Fud: UH UH UGH UGH NN NN O O A AA GNN.
Pappadimbus: (rising from his bean bag) How dare you! How dare you sit there masturbating whilst I make things up.
Fud: Shit Pappadimbus man you’ve made me go all flaccid.
Bud, Fud and Pappadimbus all rise and sing…
When the gibbons start a dancing
Hey ninny hey momp
When the gibbons start a spinning
Hideous clown face
Scab ridden swamp
Odorous Satan shitting black plastic castles
Upon the cunting fuck
Dog suck venom piss
the same all night Disco Motel
"Bud and Fud Whippets Make Mess, Scoff Dog, and Whelp
Around Town (aroun town arounaroun!)"enter Bud and Fud and Pappadimbus
Fud: Shitting pig!
Bud: How now Fud, what ails you?
Fud: These cuntmonkeys are at it again, careening off the walls making bloody awful mess and always pissing downstream when we wash.
Fud: Show! What have we here, more toys?
Bud: They’re not toys, they’re Martians!
enter Martians three feet tall and dressed like pimp
First Martian: (sporting six inch ‘fro six inch loons and wide white belt) Relationships become more important and you'll enjoy putting your feet up at the weekend.
Second Martian:(sporting da-glo too tight polo neck, S-buckle belt and blokka boots) Replace tired summer bedding with plants that give instant satisfaction.
Bud: Snakes alive!
enter second budSecond Bud: Bud Whippets I wish I was you.
Bud: Why its Bud Whistles!
exeunt second budFirst Martian: (adopting posh voice) Jive assed turkey mother farker.
Second Martian: (adopting the same) Sheet ho ho ho where are my bit chez?
Pappadimbus: (falling to his knees fists clenched together pleading passionately) I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts. Here they are, all in a row. Gröss eints, klein eints, eints as Gröss as your kopf.
Bud: Away Martian fiends. What business have you?
First Martian: (extending rubbery hand, replete with sucker tipped digit.) My hand. To shake.
Fud: Aaarrh vile tentecleeeb away away!
Second Martian: We bring news of Adidd.
All: Adidd! Where? What? How? When?
second Martian produces Adidd
Adidd: (thinks) I have to thank my two extraterrestrial friends for bringing me home safely. I was lured away from here my home sweet home on a promise of mice. I was lost and journeyed far across the trackless sea past the last point man has gone, in fields where no light has shone, where stood one standing stone, blasted by sand all alone. Then these two clowns picked me up, forced me into unspeakable acts and delivered me back here. Or should I say ‘meow’.
Fud: Meow indeed you silly puss!
everybody laughs ho ho